Anxiety

I really don't feel like updating...but I said I would. So now I feel obligated. Blah.

The truth is, I thought I would have more to say than I actually do. That happens to me a lot actually. Maybe I'm just tired and can't remember what I wanted to say.

I'm growing more and more anxious as the new school year approaches. I feel like I have so many more responsibilities this year, all of which I volunteered for. What madness is this?! My inherent laziness is waging a desperate war against my fear of not being able to find a job after graduation. I really just want to take time off and enjoy my senior year...really enjoy it. Even if it's just lounging around. Once work starts, there will be precious little time to actually do that.

I'd also like to have a school year where I'm not caught up trying to find that special someone. It's just too frustrating for me to deal with 3 years in a row.

...but then I think that it will never be as easy as it is now. Having to work really limits one's dating opportunities, simply because you don't have as much time. God, I'm such a wishy washy ambivalent arse. Make up my mind, slitch!

Making new friends/meeting new people is also kind of daunting. I seriously feel drained. I think my summer hermitty phase is in preparation for meeting people during the school year, but this summer has been so hectic that I haven't really had the chance to sink into seclusion. Sigh...I hope I'll be able to get along with my floor...

Sometimes I feel distant from everybody - like no one really sees me for who I really am. I think that might be because I don't really like who I really am. I'm a whiny, emotional, lazy, unambitious, depressed-when-he-doesn't-have-the-right-to-be son of a biatch. At least, I think if I didn't keep myself in check, that would be me. I always feel like sinking into that pit of self-pity, when honestly I don't deserve to. And there's no real point to it.

Woo...my mom is coming downstairs to tell me to go to bed. So byeee!

Maybe tomorrow will be better.