Tuesday, August 08, 2006

So I totally got chewed out on sunday for being a big flake. Although this time it really wasn't me being a flake! Just a very bad planner.

Anyway me and the usual high school group I still keep in touch with made plans to get dinner sunday night. Then on saturday my brother told me he needed to be picked up on sunday around 7:30.

Yay for brothers. Especially kid ones.

Basically there was no way I was going to make dinner if I had to pick up my bro. By the time I got to the restaurant it'd be time to leave. Much to my surprise though, one of my friends got upset. Really upset. I couldn't understand it at first...it was just dinner right? And it wasn't like I couldn't hang out after.

When I asked him why he was so angry, he said to me:

"Because our group is falling apart."

For which I have newfound respect for him. This summer has been pretty craptacular for hanging out, what with some friends out of the country, others in socal, and what with work and internships and summer school, it's been pretty hard to coordinate events.

What struck me most though, is that this guy had the guts to call it out. And to challenge me to make the effort to keep it going. My feelings toward group-disbanding has always been that it's inevitable. People move away, don't see each other for awhile...it's only natural that things won't be able to stay the same. Even me just moving up the hill to Hedrick practically cut me off from my second-year friends.

...to be honest though, the biggest reason why I never keep in touch is because I'm insecure. I absolutely hate feeling like I'm unwanted, which is why I very rarely visit people in their rooms. I remember Peter and Michelle accusing me of no longer being their friend the next year, because I never visit them, and that I never make an effort to be a friend. The truth is I'm scared to have to make an effort, and end up being unwanted, annoyed at, mocked.

Which is why when this guy was fighting to keep our high school group alive, I couldn't help but admire his bravery. Maybe he didn't think it was anything of the sort, but to me his words are what I've always wanted to say, but what I've always been too scared to say. Too embarassed. Too weak.

I ended up apologizing to him about missing dinner. There wasn't much I could do about it though...my brother needed to be picked up after all. Still, we hung out afterwards and everything was good. I think. I hope.

I'm glad he chewed me out. Not that I enjoyed it...but I got to see a side of him that I don't usually. And I found out that as long as there are people like him around, even if groups do end, they don't have to right away. Not for a long time.

No comments: