Wednesday, October 11, 2006

I don't knoooowwww

What I really want to do is not accounting. I don't detest accounting, which I often say, but I definitely do not enjoy it. To be honest, I really don't think I have that cutting edge to be in business. I don't have the competitive spirit or the self-confidence. What I do have is self-awareness and the ability to daydream.

I think my dream job would be to work on games. The storytelling part. I really enjoy good stories, and I like telling good ones too. Of course, I don't actually know how to do this.

The biggest roadblock I think would be my mom. I am mortally afraid of my mom, and her approval is such a big deal to me. I don't even know why. To be honest, I feel like I'm constantly under pressure when I'm around her and it's just so stressful sometimes. It's like I'm being judged, every minute of everyday, every action I take, every opportunity I miss.

I am a child at heart. I just want to enjoy life...I don't want to worry about making lots of money because it really doesn't matter to me so much. I guess it's different for her because she's still struggling with her job - she wants to be able to provide a good home for us. And I know everything she does is well-intentioned...sigh

...on a completely different note, i hate my life. I really do.

2 comments:

Cynthia said...

don't worry. you'll find a good job one day, whether it be in accounting or video game story-telling. honestly, if you know what you want to do -- i say you should try for it. look it up online, look up companies you want to work for. it'll be better for you than going into a field that you don't like. honestly, whatever job you end up getting after you graduate will probably not be your job for the rest of your career. the chances are very high that you'll switch out to do something else within a few years. and that's okay.

oh sorry for the lack of good grammar in that paragraph.

your Harlot said...

I think...in the end it's really your dream and goal that matter. Sure, your mom definitely plays a huge role, but who's really living this life? You don't want to be stuck in a career you don't enjoy because you're afraid of disapproval. Who knows. She may support you yet. How would you know unless you try, right?

Even if not, I support you, roydil. You know you can count on me. I'll even put up with you running your storylines by me. i'll let you know if it's crap. =)